motown philly back again...!

my vacation in Kaliphornia.

shoping list:

1. bullet-pruf vest
2. likkor
3. red red lipstik
4. seven veils
5. peen8t butter and K-Y jelly sandwitches
6. boyfriend-snatchin' net
7. book on hypnosiss (for hypnotizin' Theo to give me The"O")
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once upon a time, this dude decided to come visit me. see, he liked what i had to say, and i thought, well, why not? there really aren't many people out there that really listen to what i have to say. i mean, there's this blog and all but who the hell even reads it? i mean, WHO? little did i know, man....but that's not for a little while yet.

anyway, he came. i mean, what, 3,000 miles, by train?? to see me..! nice, right? ego boost, huh? you could say that. you can say whatever you damn well want, but i'd never met anyone so honest, forthright, and lovely in the entire world. and when i say "lovely," i don't mean pretty-boy stab-you-in-the-back kinda "i'm gorgeous and you're my prop" lovely. i mean, like...well, would you even understand? dear readers? my friend here was someone i'd been looking to meet for a while now...kind of like someone familar and brand-new simultaneously.

we hid out in my basement. we wrote and drew and painted and told stories and wrote some more, and the days started to turn into something where hours were stains on old temple walls somewhere else.

sorry if i'm getting a little too flowery here. it's sacred to me. so was this blog.

the day came when he was going to have to go back. i needed an excuse to get away from my mother of course, but was not about to use this man (let us call him what he'd like to be called?) for that. of course i wanted adventure, i wanted romance, i wanted action and everything else they make in that celluloid land out there, out here...oh, nuts! i just had to go.

one hitch: yah, we all have a past. sometimes its pretty freaky for some of us (myself included)...think of the scariest vampire movie/novel you've ever seen/read....think of the most scarey, dead-est un-dead beast that...that...bleats until it blots out the roar of the sun with its suffering temper-tantrum. yeah, that one. ok, that's mean. but he has this ex-girlfriend who posted a friendly letter on my blog, asking for some east-coast dirt and telling me how un-terrible i am. who is the deceiver?

anyway, i came here expecting little. well, that's not entirely true. i expected to have an awesome fucking time with this guy who, just days before, was my "net" buddy, and is somehow now my...greatest care in the world. laugh at me, c'mon. he's it.

i see this town. i'm pretty culture-shocked. i meet some people. i see palm trees and experience temperate, non-humid days. it's a dream i never thought i had the courage to explore. i am agoraphobia, i am xenophobia, i am wanting to hang out. i wasn't even ready for a relationship. i'm still sorta not. it just happened.

there's a few more things: (a) i'm crazy. (b) my mother is manipulative and wants her fair share of things. (c) my friend tony passed away today. (d) because of the news of tony's death, i had to call shawn the prawn, who is probably maintaining a constant state of blotto.

so here i am in this park, ducks storming me. i'm sitting there next to this guy and i'm starting to shut down, and he hasn't left my side. in fact, he's saying, "jamie, come over here, sit with me, lay down, look at the sky." he's holding my hand and telling me he's there for me, and i know he is not full of shit. i recall how i told him the night before that i thought of him as my definition of a "man," being that he is not afraid to confront truth, he is willing to admit mistakes, he is brilliant and intelligent and clever, mature and childlike at the same time, respectable, respecting, respectful of women and beautiful.

i started talking in non-sentences, started being snotty, and he told me he'd take a little walk. i watched him dissappear behind the trees that i couldn't name (and still can't, they're just pointy) and talked a little bit to tony, remembered how it felt to give him a hug, remembered how his flannel shirts smelled, and remembered how he always said, "eh, you'll meet a nice guy someday, don't you worry. shawn doesn't know what he's missin." so i said, "look tony, there he is. you'd like him," as theo tried to nimbly dodge a posse of ducks.

so then, have a good night, wherever you are, whichever plane you reside in, my friends. i am a bit nervous about my future. this is far from an ideal situation. i didn't come here to hurt anyone, to "score," to move in on someone else's property....people aren't property, duhh....and people who think that way deserve to be done in jail with a metal broom-handle in every orifice possible. (i dated one too.) gawd.

i wish tony was alive and happy and healthy. i wish i never had to talk to shawn or my mom. i really wish this carly-individual would find her bliss and leave theo the fuck alone, and furthermore stop making death threats against people and throwing fucking temper tantrums. grow the fuck up!!! you can't just freak out on people! there are some pretty nasty, violent people out there who don't have a conscience and won't think twice about doing WHATEVER it takes to get you to just shut the hell up. stop pissing in everyone's cheerios, ok???

as for everyone else, i'm just here. whether i'm Public Enemy #1 or just some girl who makes TJ feel like a million...*shrug* i hate this catty bullshit. people break up. my parents did. guhhh. how dare i...how dare i want to be happy, to be near the person who i think it could really, really work with. my little american dream. you believe in america? did you vote for your little piece of the rock???? life and the pursuit of hap-hap-happiness? live and let live?? do unto others as.....yadda yadda yadda?

so, i'll let platitudes be platitudes.

Alex says: WTF is platitude? Hm... At any rate, it sounds nice and carly, that's just plain mean.