worlds go "boom"

he left yesterday, for here. this still seems very surreal. (then again, i am a self-designated surrealist..) the numb, physical, gray world is about to be crashed into by the one inside the cathodes. i hope i'm all i'm cracked up to be...ha!!

i don't even know what to think or how to think anymore. lack of sleep does that, i guess. i'm trying to prepare for this visit though, or at least look prepared. i got a manicure and even got my eyebrows waxed. as always i got yelled at by the manicurist for picking my cuticles. its so weird and unnatural to have people "service" me this way. it gives me that prize-pig feeling.

anyway, in all this anticipation, everything is so amazingly mundane. my mother's chief problem now is her stomach; i hope she got a little sleep and isn't dehydrated. i wonder if she'll go to her massage today. her nose is healing well-- the scrapes are virtually gone. oh, and she got her wheelchair finally..!

tomorrow i'm bringing in my poems to show to dan; maybe i'll be able to join his writing group/team/enclave/whatever they call themselves. meanwhile his extremely tiny and blond girlfriend asked me if i was d.j.'s "girlfriend" on monday. i was a bit infuriated and said "no, where'd you get this idea?" and she said he'd been telling ppl thus. i felt like calling him but i realized that's exactly what he wants me to do. god, leave me the f. alone! that place is like high school sometimes. other times its like a geriatric care facility, all of us milling around in a medicated stupor. anyway, it would be wicked to meet some other bp writers and work with them. if i'm good enough, that is.

well, if i had one wish, it would be to be stable, stable...can't go wrong there...


our love is no other
than me alone
for me all day...

--Live, "All Over You"