turn out dee light

interesting what a dedicated blogger i've become in the past 48 or so hours...i guess it's nerves. huh. i always consider the fact that i could simply type shit out for myself and print it out, hard copy, but that really isn't as much fun. this is gratuitous, this is my little corner of the world, yo (la tengo). i remember this story we read in 3rd grade or so about this poor little inner-city kid who decides to make a "corner" for himself his family's apartment. i remember he had a little step-stool thing, and a plant, and he even got a fish. it was a sweet story. sometimes i miss elementary school so, so much....and i guess this is why people decide to have kids. why relive it when you can live it vicariously, having already had the experience under your belt? who among us doesn't wish we could go back and tell the bullies, "you know, i don't really give a shit what you think of my [fill in blank], because in 15 years it's not going to matter."

in 15 years. in 20 years. 20 years ago i was in third grade. we had just moved into our new house. we could afford things. my father managed to buy a different car every year. my father is in ohio with 2 children who are 22 and 26(?) years younger than me. he always liked kids, never teenagers, never teenage girls. this way he'll be in a home before my half-sis turns 14, so all she will know is that he loved her.

i really don't complain like this all the time. this is my catharsis-time, my personal automated therapy. *scratches head*

it's fucking 4:30am. i have terrible beach boys songs stuck in my head from the princeton radio station. "be here in the morning, be here in the evening...." *shudder* they must've been on some pretty good dope out there. granted they also played some really obscure rolling stones that i'd never heard, it was really bluesy, i loved it. also enjoyed the kinks that the dude played too. i like college radio-- it seems like the dj's usually just sit there and enjoy the sound of their own voices, or admire their brilliant taste in music, or just cough a lot. i should really go to bed. well, i should have a cigarette and go to bed.

theo update: (pictures a little dotted line moving slowly across the country like in cartoons): he called from denver about 4 hours ago...i guess he'll get to chicago tomorrow afternoonish. i can't believe he is doing this, still. i thought the 5-hr plane ride was bad...geez...

meanwhile i've been decorating my dresser. i only got 2 out of 5 drawers done, not to mention the top and sides. i have to buy a lot more mod podge, or some kind of spray-finish. the top one is painted eggplant (shock!) with a scarab jewel on it and some bendy wire things...and the second is a collage of b&w pics with a gray-green background and black border. it actually looks pretty good...i guess i just got in the mood. it helped a lot with things.

well, got some poems together for tomorrow. hope i can stay for a little while. i'm talking to myself. i'm sleep-typing. i need a puff, need to feed that monkey up my ass.