ViciousCycle (TM) by Mattel
i'm so fucking lonely. i'm eating Phish Food ice cream at 2:30am and feeling disGUStingly sorry for myself in my spoiled, snot-nosed white girl middle-class suburban misery.
i feel like a prize pig. just kinda hangin' out in the mud, bloated from all the hormones and chemicals, finding joy in food and laziness. people come and look, some smile, and they all move on. no one wants to be stuck with that mess. i look forward to the day when someone will (further) eviscerate me and remove my reproductive organs.
other than this, i feel fantastic. i got to paint today, and for the first time i had a sub from Quizno's. it was good, i guess. i can sleep late tomorrow. i can watch the world crumble around me, and re-build itself again, and nothing changes.
i've been single for roughly 5 months, but really it's been longer in my mind. "Single" being barricaded human being, sectioned-off person, shares-hopes-dreams-secrets-sheets-insidejokes-with NO one. ahem. i know that everyone needs this time to learn, to "regroup," to get all their ducks in a row, if you will. finding new hobbies and new ways to create one's identity.
well, i'm once again riding a ViciousCycle (TM) by Mattel, because most men my age are into the Spears/Simpson/Aguilera Precedent of Beauty...but then again i don't think i'm really interested in the ones who adhere to this Precedent anyway...if indeed there are those who "look beyond," they will see in me a quivering mass of sick, fucked-up tissue, complacent, adorable, ready to sing a song, scrub the floor, bake a pie and administer a blowjob, just in time for the game.
ok, incoherence has just set in (drugs). it's not unpleasant at all, but sentences are becoming a difficulty.
"...got a bad desire.
ohhh, i'm on fire." --springsteen
i feel like a prize pig. just kinda hangin' out in the mud, bloated from all the hormones and chemicals, finding joy in food and laziness. people come and look, some smile, and they all move on. no one wants to be stuck with that mess. i look forward to the day when someone will (further) eviscerate me and remove my reproductive organs.
other than this, i feel fantastic. i got to paint today, and for the first time i had a sub from Quizno's. it was good, i guess. i can sleep late tomorrow. i can watch the world crumble around me, and re-build itself again, and nothing changes.
i've been single for roughly 5 months, but really it's been longer in my mind. "Single" being barricaded human being, sectioned-off person, shares-hopes-dreams-secrets-sheets-insidejokes-with NO one. ahem. i know that everyone needs this time to learn, to "regroup," to get all their ducks in a row, if you will. finding new hobbies and new ways to create one's identity.
well, i'm once again riding a ViciousCycle (TM) by Mattel, because most men my age are into the Spears/Simpson/Aguilera Precedent of Beauty...but then again i don't think i'm really interested in the ones who adhere to this Precedent anyway...if indeed there are those who "look beyond," they will see in me a quivering mass of sick, fucked-up tissue, complacent, adorable, ready to sing a song, scrub the floor, bake a pie and administer a blowjob, just in time for the game.
ok, incoherence has just set in (drugs). it's not unpleasant at all, but sentences are becoming a difficulty.
"...got a bad desire.
ohhh, i'm on fire." --springsteen
posted by jamie lynn at 2:26 AM
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