"Hats off to Southern George, took his life when he wanted to take yours..."

(that quote's by madder rose from a song called, "hotel.")

i'm up for some reason. my stomach is growling. i want to go back to bed but my mother has an MRI later on today and i have to be ready for whatever. i am having trouble being a Rock for her. (am i hungry or nauseaous?) i feel like i need to lay back down. i feel so blank and completely alone, like an item in a store that's been discontinued and no one will buy for 99 cents. i have an awful taste in my mouth, gahh. i have that marionette feeling where some string is pulling at my neck and spine painfully. i feel awful that the people i care about are suffering-- and i can't do a damn thing about it...!
it would be easy to lay down in my bed again, my spine feels like it's becoming a C-curve and i will soon look like a shrimp. i feel fat.

well, i'll just get all this negativity out of my system, and then maybe i'll have a good day...


(woah, Ray the blue keet just landed on my head.)


god, when is it going to be worth it? when will i know that my life means something?